I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
