For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
