HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
