i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
