I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
