your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
