Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
