I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
