That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I looked at my own cervix.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize