It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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