you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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