I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
