Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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