just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
