i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
