I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
