But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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