i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
