you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
