My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
