you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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