haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
