I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
