The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
