So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
