His pubic hair was longer than his dick
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
