All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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