Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
