i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
