oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
