We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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