Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize