i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
