i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
