he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
