man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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