New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
