And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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