I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
