You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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