mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
