We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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