I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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