just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
