Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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