I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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