At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
