ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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