Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
