Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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