Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
