y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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