i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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