You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
