She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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