I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
not ubering you a puppy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
