Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
