So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
