Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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