my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
