If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
