I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
