Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
