The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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