Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
