You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
