Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
