Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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