We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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