I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
