You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
