Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
