There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
