You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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