They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
