wanna go halves on a baby?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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