New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
