Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think my fart just growled at me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
