So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
