when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my being single is dangerous.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
