There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
