Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
