im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
