dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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