You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize