Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
