??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
