my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
