On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize