does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
