my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
