Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
