I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
