This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
