Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
her facebook's as public as her vagina
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize