Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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