Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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