she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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