ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
