she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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